Susannah Joan

The Mission Call

2010-11-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

Finally after waiting a whole month to come, it came!!!! I was planning on sharing the experience with everyone but when it came down to it, I just wanted to open the dang thing. It was my mom and I and my dad on the phone. I had the hardest time trying to open the thing with the nerves and the excitement of it all. I am the type of person who looks at the back of the book to see the ending. I did the same with the call but I couldn’t find it. So I started reading. I paused at the call and then said Germany Frankfurt Mission. My mom and I screamed and my dad was quiet. I handed the phone to my mom and my parents talked.

The funny part of this is I have been to Germany before. When I was nine my dad was calling to serve for the army in Heidelberg, Germany about an hour south of Frankfurt. We spent five months there and left early to take care of my great grandma. Germany was really not some place that I wanted to go again. I love Las Vegas and love my family and friends. Well the Lord had other plans, we went again when I was 13 and stayed for 10 months. Then we moved to Oregon.

I realized that the Lord knows me and truly does love me. I am not doubting where I am suppose to go, but really Germany. It is a place that I know and that I am comfortable with. Now all I have to do is figure out the map that I got. All I know is that Heidelberg is my mission

Mission papers

2010-10-03T20:12:00.001-07:00

My Misson papers are in. I was excited before but now i am so excited i can't hold it in. I have a feeling of humility and joy. I want to do my best and i want to grow and learn. People ask me if i am scared...No i am not. I want to go and know what it is about. I want to teach and meet new people. I met with my Stake President a few weeks ago and he ask me. "Why are you serving a mision." I thought but i felt that my answer was too simple. "Because I love the Lord." He was pleased with the answer and continued on with the series of questions. Like most things in the church, after that interview, my testimony grew and the knowledge that i want to serve a mission. I am excited and i can't wait to see where that i am going. I will keep everyone posted.

Munchkin Pumpkin Man story

2010-06-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

When i was little girl my dad would tell me Munchkin pumpkin man stories. So Father's Day i am making him a book with a Munchkin pumpkin man story:

Big Father’s Day Surprise

It was a beautiful day in Munchkin pumpkinvile. The sun looked like a great big orange.

“It such a beautiful day. I think I will work in the garden. What do you say Patrick?” Munchkin pumpkin man looked down at the beautiful dog lying in the sun. The dog start to wag his tail. “Well, I take that as a yes.”

The two friends set out to the garden to work. About half through the day, Munchkin pumpkin man realized that something wasn’t right. “Why is it so quiet?” he wondered out loud. Patrick the dog looks at him with a questioning look.

Now for those who don’t know Munchkin pumpkin Ville is a busy little town. Everyone is going places and enjoy the warm weather.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Susannah Joan the Marshmallow girl and Alden Elizabeth the Apple girl in a few days. It was summer so school was out. Those two little girls were always over at his house, but lately they were missing. “Well, Patrick lets get cleaned up and go for a walk.”

Munchkin pumpkin man got cleaned up and as he was about to walk out the door. He heard a knock, “Who could that be?” he thought. But when he got to the door no one was there. He looked around to see if they were standing somewhere else. Nope, nothing. “Wait,” Munchkin pumpkin mad looked and saw something with bright colors, “Balloons!”

There were balloons tied to his mailbox, “What are the balloons for?” He walked over to the mailbox. He looked around and saw a note. “Today is your special day! Follow the Red balloons to where you need to go.”

Come on, Patrick. We have a big day planned for us.” They started to walk down the lane. As he got closer to town something weird happened the red balloons stopped all Munchkin man could see was a blue balloon.

He looked around the balloon and found another note. “Don’t red with anger, just follow the blue balloon and will soon calm down.”

“Well, Patrick. Guess we are following the blue balloons.” They continued down the road till once again there was a different color balloon and another note.

“Don’t get blue, just see some yellow! Follow the yellow balloon. You’re only a few steps closer to…” “To what?” he looked down at Patrick, “well we’re all must there.”

As Munchkin pumpkin man got closer to center of town, he realized it was quiet and no one was there. “Really, Patrick no one is any where today.”

The closer Munchkin pumpkin man got to the center of town the more colors came. He started to see every color of the rainbow.

“Well, someone has planned something big for us.” Patrick seemed to sense the excitement that was unseen to Munchkin pumpkin man.” What do you think could be happening?”

“Surprise!” the whole town shouted! Then he suddenly saw the sign, “Thank you for being great!”

“We planned this day just for you, Munchkin pumpkin man.” Said Susannah Joan the marshmallow girl.

“We, the town made all your favorite food plus more!” shouted Alden Elizabeth the Apple girl.

Munchkin pumpkin man got super excited and gave Susannah Joan and Alden Elizabeth a hug! “Thank you so much for makes me feel so much! We live in the best town in the world!”

And they all partied and had a blast enjoying a beautiful evening with the people that he loved the most

Big Plans

2010-05-30T14:10:00.001-07:00

Big plans-

I am at time in my life, where my plans are changing. I just turned 21, I am officially a adult. Through it doesn’t seem like it. I have so much I want to do but yet I still really want to be that little girl, in my room playing with my dollhouse (which I still have). My plans are changing. No longer do I have the same reason for stay at BYU-Idaho. Friends came and go, but it is the family that is forever. I learned that hard way this year. So I want to be closer to my family. It was this weekend that I made the decision that I want to be much closer to my family. Plus the weather in Rexburg is driving me crazy. I really need more sunny and warm weather! So I am making a change, I am still planning going into Marriage and Family with a minor in Child Development. So know I have to find a school somewhere close to Las Vegas. So that is plan so far…I still am planning on going on a mission.

But that is what I am thinking, friends come and go but family is eternal. And it took some trials and a lot of love to realize that really where I want to be is closer to my family. So that is what I want more then anything, I want to be with my family.

Poker Face

2010-05-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

You don’t know everything that is going on in my life. But yet you are trying to fix it. Do we really have to put on a “happy face” all the time? When we are home why do we have to put on a special face? There is so many different face that we put on daily. Our happy face, the masked Mormon face, the everything is ok face and so much more. What face do you put on daily? For a long time I have pretended to have a happy face but sometime all I was to do is let that face go and just feel what I am really feeling. Are we willing to show people the real us? Or are we just going to pretend the rest of our lives?

Another question that I have, when is it right to grow up? I just turn 21 and I have always been mature and I have pick friend who would help me grow. But what if you live with people who can’t seem to grow up? What do you do? On many occasions I had to hold my tongue with things at are say and done. But what do you say? Does living by example really help and teach a person? Can you show someone that you can still have fun but you don’t need to act like you are five?

Not only do we do this with our roommates but our “friends” too. We meet new people and we are putting on a special mask. But when they see who they really are, why are we so shocked? So when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. It seems that when you meet someone you need to show them your true self. So take off the mask and be yourself. And soon you will learn that people are ether not going to like you or not. But what so you care, you are being yourself!

Chapter 3-Boys

2010-05-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

“Mom! Where are you?”

“In the kitchen!” Caterine called out.

Within seconds, a young girl came into the room. She was a beautiful red hair; you think she was Irish, from her hair to her green eyes and beautiful ivory skin.

“Hey mom! Jon asked me to the senior prom but I really don’t want to go with him. Zach is going to ask me, so will you help me decide what to do? Oh, I am sorry, who are you?” She looked at me.

“Harmony, this Lily, Alice’s friend. You remember she will be staying with us for a few months,” she paused and looked at me, “or maybe longer.”

I smiled at her, maybe I will stay longer.

“Well, Lily. I’m Harmony and I am grateful to meet you. She went over to her mom. “Do you want help?”

“Do you really think I do?” her mom asked.

“Of course you do. If you didn’t then you wouldn’t have kids?” she laughed.

“Yes! She finally gets it.” Caterine smiled at me, “that is what kids are for to be slave to their parents.” She laughed and turned to the sink.

It was so nice and weird to be in a kitchen where people actually work in it.

“So what is this problem with what’s his name Zach and Jack?” I asked Harmony.

“Oh Zach and Jon, two boys with no brains.” She started to laugh. “They are really good guys but I am not into them at all.”

“So who is the real guy that you want to go with?” I asked.

“His name is Charlie and I think that he asked Michelle and I think that she said yes.”

“You think? You don’t know?”

“I heard from Trish, who heard for Roger, who talked to Brooke, who is best friends with Annie who is the ex of Charlie, who found out that he was going to ask Michelle, because she has a nice butt.” She rolled her eyes.

I couldn’t help but laugh when I hear her reason. “Are you kidding me?”

“No.” she looked at me and then to her mother. Her mother was no help either, she was laughing as hard as I was.

“When are you going are you two going to stop laughing?" Harmony asked.

Her mom answered, “When you realize how silly you sound. I love having a teenager in the house.”

“What is so funny in here.”

“The fact that your daughter has a great source to figure out if a boy likes her or not.” laughed Caterine.

I assume that this was Mr. Daven. He lends in and kisses his wife and the cheek. “Really, who is the boy this week?”

“This week, what do you mean this week?” ask Harmony.

“Harmony, you are always coming home with some type of boy problem. So like I said what is the boy problem this week?” said her dad.

“Oh dad, you are so funny.” She laughed at her father.

“I think you should just ask him yourself, come up with some fun way to ask him,” I said to Harmony “Do you know this boy?”

“Yes, we have been friends for a long time. And we have liked each other off and on for years.”

“Then go for it but keep the other two boys on stand by just in case he says no.” I suggested.

“Can I do that?” asked Harmony.

“Yeah, you are young and there is no need for you to be with one boy.”

“Have you dated?”

“Yeah and trust me none of them were worthy my time.” I smiled towards her. They started to laugh.

“Harmony, will you please set the table, I think that we are going to have five.” Asked her mother.

“Yeah? But aren’t we six?” asked Harmony.

“Nope, Bennett is not coming home tonight.”

“But he promise he would.”

“I know he felt really bad but Victoria needs him to come to some dinner.” All of sudden, the air changed. I looked to Harmony; her face was really red and not was there hurt and pain but anger.

“Oh my gosh that girl has got him wrapped around her little finger. She is so selfish.”

“Harmony, don’t say that. She is a very nice girl.”

“Really, mom are you blind. She is only nice to you because she has to be. But when it comes to Camilla and I, we are dragged in the dirt and the mud. She is a witch and care about no one beside herself and her newest sugar daddy.” Harmony laughed and walked out of the room.

Caterine looked at me, “the scary thing is she is right. Victoria was raised in a LDS family that think they are better then every one else. It is really hard to be around that family at times.”

“LDS Family what do you mean by that?” I asked.

“Oh I am sorry. I forgot that you aren’t LDS. They feel like they are prefect and do everything right way.”

“Well then why is your son with her?”

“Because he will do anything that girl wants him to.” Harmony said as she walked into the room to get more things for the table. Caterine silently agreed with the statement.

“So are you going to do something about it?” I asked.

Mr. Daven looked up from the paper; “We have been open with him about how we feel. He listens to a point and nods his head and walks away.”

He looked at his wife and she finished his thought, “We want him to make his own choices. As much as a parent wants to get involved with their children discussion, we have to step back and let them figure things out for themselves. Of course he knows that he can come to us and talk to us but Bennett is not one for talking his feelings.”

“Well I am sorry sweetheart that was my fault, I never did like to work out my problems.” He laughed towards his wife.

“You are sweet Peyton. Why don’t you go help your daughter with the table.” Peyton got up and kissed his wife on the cheek and walked out of the kitchen.

This was a new thing for me; it is weird to see parents who really care about the child.

Flashback:

“Mom! Are you home?” I walked into the house, “Mom! Where are you?”

Eva the maid walked in, “Oh Miss Emerson, your parents are out for the evening. Didn’t they tell you?”

I rolled my eyes, “Do you think that they told me?”

Eva smiled at me; “Lily, don’t be mad…” she trailed off.

“Mad why would I be mad, my parents are never home and when they are home they are trying to control me. Yeah I have no reason to be mad!” I yelled as I marched to my room.

Later that night, my mom knocked on my door.

“Lily, can I come in?” I didn’t say anything. “Lily, answer me right now.” She tried to walk into my room, “Lily, you open this door right now.” She was starting to yell. At this point I knew that she was drunk and if I let her then we would have problems.

“Eva! Eva! Open Lily’s door now.” My mother yelled. I knew that I had to get out of here and fast. I grabbed my bag and opened my window.

“Lily, if you don’t open this door right now. You are in serious trouble.” Yep, my mom was drunk. It didn’t take a lot for my mom to become drunk but when she was drunk she is mad and she hits. I climbed out the wall and down the wall. I ran to the small woods behind our house. At that point I heard my mother knock my door down.

“LILY! Where the hell are you? Eva, where is she?”

“I don’t know, Mrs. Emerson. She came right up to her room when she got home.” I could tell that Eva was crying.

“You let her go, you let her go out of your sight. I have always told you never to leave her alone. Roger! Lily is missing and it’s all Eva fault. Roger, where are you? Did you hear me, Lily is gone.” My mom was yelling to my father. I could see my father in his study. My father understood that sometimes you need to get away from my mother. I watched as he rolled his eyes and got out of is favorite chair.

“Martha, come down. It isn’t Eva fault.” I watch him walk up to see my mom. I was tired of watch so I went to my secret clubhouse deeper into the forest. As I was looking up at the stars that night I wished to be somewhere someone loved me.

“Lily? Are you ok?” asked Caterine.

I woke up from my trans, “Yeah I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“Well dinner is ready and Camilla will be home soon. So let’s go eat.”

Kissing

2010-05-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head so that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot, so deep, you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me. You don't want to, 'coz when you find that right person you'll first kiss, it's everything” Grey’s Anatomy

When someone tells you that I are not planning on kissing anyone till they get married, what do you say to them? Is kissing really important in a relationship?

For me, I like kissing it is the natural woman in me. But when a guy tells me that he does want to kiss anyone till he is married. That is a big decision that takes a lot of thought. But the question that I ask is kissing, making out, NICMO sessions, or any physical contact. I understand that we need to have some type of physical contact in marriage but what about before. Where are our standards now days?

I am the topic of person where I like hugs and kisses but I am willing to put a side my feelings to satisfy the other person. That is what you do in a relationship. It is not a deal breaker for me.

Elder Bednar says it best, in the world that I can’t describe in anyway better then he can. http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=618e85f10e6fb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

What do kisses mean to you? I wish that I saved my first for my future husband. I had a young woman’s leader who saved her first kiss for her future husband. I really think that it is sweet and surprise. You might think that I am crazy, that I am out of mind to think this way. But it is the truth; kisses are something special to me. Like my testimony, I am willing to share it with you only if you are worthy to hear it. And I am willing to share my kisses with someone who loves me and cares about me. I want things to have a special meaning for me, can they be for you?

Chapter 2- New Beginnings

2010-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2- New Beginnings

“Lily Emerson?”

“Yes?”

“I am Alice’s aunt Caterine Daven. It’s nice to meet you. How was your flight?”

I look this woman head to toe. She was short then my 5’8” maybe 5’5”. She had brown hair cut in a pixie cut. It looked really good on her. She had a motherly look about her.

“It was good, it is really nice to meet you.” I shoke her hand.

“Oh come here and give me a hug.” She gave me a hug. I have never had a hug like that before, a true loving hug.

“Let’s go get your bags.”

We walked down to baggage claim. Caterine asked me about myself, where I grew up and what my life was like in California. The ride home was a sweet ride with joyful conversation. Caterine was a sweet and wonderful woman and we got along so well.

At times I would look at the scenery, it was beautiful with old houses and pretty yards. We pasted a few small towns on the way. Living in a big town all my life it was so nice to see a wonderful change, to know that such a town was out there. It was beautiful and welcoming. We finally pulled into a long driveway at the end of the drive was a yellow farmhouse, with green shutters. It was something out a magazine it seem normal.

“ So you will be living in the apartment above the office. I hope that is ok with you.” Caterine asked me.

“ Yeah totally I am fine with anything at this point.” We made our way up the stairs to my new apartment. We walked in and to my shock there was nothing in it. The walls were white.

“I thought that you would like to decorate it yourself.” She said with a smile.

“Thank you so much that is super sweet of you.”

“Oh my dear it is not a problem at all. But till you decide what you want to do with the apartment you can live in the guest room.”

“Sounds great, Mrs. Daven.”

“Call me, Cat.” She said with a smile. We went into the main house and she showed me to the guest room.

“Why don’t you get cleaned up and unpack. Dinner will be at five and I will introduce you to the family.” She gave me a hug and went to the door.

“Oh lily,” she turned and looked at me. “We are grateful that you are here.” And with that she walked out.

I had a smile on my face. When was the last time that I smiled like this? Was this really or am I dreaming. Alice told me that her aunt was sweet and very motherly but no one can be this nice. My thoughts went in and out well I was unpacking and cleaning up. When I started to walk downstairs I looked around. It was a well put together home. Very clean and bright, I felt like I was home. Walking down the stair I saw the family photos. There was of course the typical family photo, and then family pictures from over the years, there were weird picture in front of a white building.

“Lily is that you?” called out Caterine

I startled “yeah I am coming.” I called out. I gave one more glace at the family picture.

“Did you get everything unpacked?” Caterine asked when I entered into the kitchen.

“Yeah, the main stuff at least a lot of my stuff is still coming.”

“Well that is good to hear.”

“Would you like some help?” I asked as I watch Caterine making dinner.

“Yes I would love some. Do you know how to cut veggies?”

I laughed, “yes that is something I know how to do.”

“Did your mom teach you how to cook?”

“Cooking what is that?” I said jokingly, “not really. My mom is not much of a mom.”

“Well while you are here I will have to teach you some things.” she smiled at me.

“What kind of things?”

“Can you sew?”

“No”

“Clean?”

“No”

“Manage money?”

“Ha no.”

“Do yard work?”

“No”

“Well we have a lot more work to do then I thought. How old are you?”

“Just turned 22.”

Caterine went back to the stove. That is really sad I really don’t know how to do anything. I grew up in a home where everything was done for me. My mother always told me that I was going to marry rich and wouldn’t need to know these skills. But working at what Caterine was doing. I want to learn how to do that.

“Are you ok?”

“yeah I was just thinking about my family.”

“Do you miss them?”

I smiled, “miss is not the right word.”

“Really? When my son first left for college, he would call everyday because he missed us so much. My daughter called at least 20 times a day over the littlest things.”

“Yeah, my mom and I don’t get along at all. I sometimes wish that my relationship was different but it really doesn’t matter.”

The room became quiet, “do you really think that it doesn’t matter?” Caterine looked at me. As she looked, I got a weird feeling over me.

“To be honest, yes. For years I tried to understand and work with my parents. No matter what I do, it is not enough.”

“Then I really do have a lot of work to do.”

Listen to jsusannajoans Playlist

2010-03-27T14:52:00.001-07:00

My book

2010-03-27T14:09:00.000-07:00

Chapter 1- Unexpected Lies but unexpected truths

“I can stand to be around you! How darn you come in here and tell me, this….this lie!!” I could hold back, I was so mad and disappointed.

“But I didn’t lie to you,” He stammered “ you are going to believe Alice before me?”

“Yes, I am. Because she has always told me the truth!” At this point I was throwing his stuff out the door.

“When will you believe me?”

“When you stop lying to me!”

He was picking up his stuff. “You mean to tell me that I mean nothing to you? That you are throwing the gifts that I gave to you?”

I was getting more and more mad; he was so full of cheap. Was this the first time that he that he lied to me and made me think that I was dumb.

“Get out we're done!” I screamed and started to push him out the door.

The next day…

“Are you alive?” asked Alice.

I came out from under the covers, “what do you think?”

“Well I brought you something.”

“What?” I looked at her. Excited to see what she brought.

“Lily, you need to come out.”

“I am out.”

“And showered?”

“What is that?” I joked.

“Something that gets you clean.” Alice joked back.

Next thing that I knew I was in a cold shower.

“AAHHHAHAHAHAH!!! This is so cold.”

“You have to wake up some how.” She started laughing.

“You are not funny. I am turning it up.” So I did and enjoyed the wonderful water hitting my body. What has happen the past 24 hours? Did he really think that he could treat me this way?

“ So your mom called me?” Alice informed me as I was putting on my clothes.

“Oh really? What did she want?” I rolled my eyes. My relationship with my mother is one that I wouldn’t want anyone to experience. Emily Gilmore looks like the Good witch of the West with a new husband every five years.

“She said that she got a call from his mother.”

“Ok.” I started to curl back in bed and Alice followed with the bag of treats.

“She wanted to know what happened?”

“You didn’t tell her anything right?” I went in for the cookie dough.

“Nope but she wants you to call her back.”

“Good, because if I do it will be World War III.”

Alice started to laugh, “nope that happen when Obama come to office.”

We both laughed and put in our favorite movie Sweet Home Alabama. It was a nice break to spend time with Alice. I was not push to tell what happened. But of course I told her. I wasn’t really angry or mad but I was starting to think of a change.

Change, where to go, can I go?

“What are you thinking?” ask Alice, after our movie marathon.

“Maybe a new start, or a road trip.”

“Are you stating that or are you asking it?”

“I am telling. I think that is something that I want to do. Get away from him and my parents. I am done with school and ready to start job.”

“Well, that sounds like a great idea. My aunt is trying to find someone to work for him.”

“Really what is he looking for?”

“An event planner,” She smiled at me. “You’ve planned so many different parties.”

“ Really? That would be so great! Where is it?” I was starting to get excited, super excited.

“Well it is a small company in North Carolina. And I already talked to her and she can’t wait for you to start.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well I was thinking the same thing. It’s time for you to move on. You have lived in this town your whole life. Everyone knows who your parents are and they want to be them. It’s time to make your own mark on the world.”

I started to scream, “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope, its good for a change. But there is one thing, you are going to have to ask your parents for some money.”

“Hahaha are you kidding! My dad maybe but not my mother.”

“Nope. You were very lucky to have your parents pay for everything but you need a little more to help you get there.”

“I have enough money left plus if I sale my apartment then I will have more then enough.” I said to Alice.

“Ok that is good to hear. So are you going to start packing?” Alice asked.

“Totally!! What about your aunt?”

“I will call her right now.” Alice left the room to call her aunt. I start to think of this great chance to take. I became excited and ready to turn over a new leaf. What would to be like, living in a town where no one knows my name or what I have done. Is this new challenge that I can take. I look in the mirror my hair was a mess. I got my blonde hair from my dad and my green eyes from my mom. Alice came in.

“What are you looking at?”

“Me”

“What do you see?”

“A lot of different things,” I turn to her and sat on the counter. “So what did she say?"

“Can you be there next week like Saturday?” she smiled at me.

Friendship

2010-03-26T13:54:00.001-07:00

Friendship?

With all the new changes in each of our lives, why is it that friends seem to come and go? I remember being a little girl and having some of the greatest friends. I thought that I would be friends with them forever. I planned for the next few years, what we would do together. Go to middle school together, then off to high school. Go to our first dance together and go on dates together. All those plans and dreams went out the door when my parents decide to move. It was so hard on me. One believes I was leaving all my friends that I grow up with and who knew me. But second, it was always so hard for me to make friends. And to this day I don’t think that I have ever found friends like those when I was a little girl.

In the years the past by I went to my mother and leaned on her for strong. Now at college, I have friends but a part of me doesn’t really think that they understand who I am and what great ideas and plans that I have. These past few weeks have been the hardest me. Worse then when I was fighting depression at home. I find myself angry and upset, but whatever I do it doesn’t seem to help.

Last night I got down on my knees and prayed to the Father. How grateful I am for him. Instead of asking for great blessings, I asked to give those blessings to someone else in my family who needed them more. I felt the warm of the spirit surround me, letting me know that everything will be ok.

I am blessed to have family who I can share my thoughts and dreams, and I know that they will not judge my discussions. For example, I don’t like dating. I like having fun and getting to know people. But waiting around for a boy to ask you, it is ridiculous. And now a days it is right for a girl to ask a boy (when the heck did that happen). But that is not I; I am not willing to ask a boy out. I will have fun and be myself but I won’t change for a guy, so that he will like me. So I told my parents that I was going to have fun and be myself but I am not looking for a relationship or dating. I will serve my mission with honor and love. And come home ready for the next step and challenge. But I also told my parents that I am not against arranged marriages. They know who I am and what I am looking for so why not?

Friendships change but are you changing in a direction that the Lord doesn’t want you to go. When dating are you leaving behind your friends because they won’t be with you for eternity? Friendship change and they either grow or break depending on the friendship. Is it healthy to ignore your friends and get mad at them for nothing, when you are dating someone?

Friendships change, our lives change. But sometimes all we need to do is let them go and find someone new. I am still seeking for that one true friend that I can go to when I am in need. Maybe I have already found it in my mother or maybe I won’t found it till I am married. But what thing that I do know is that I am a part of an amazing plan and I am looking to the next few years.

Family

2010-03-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

Being at school has gotten me thinking about my family. I am going to be away from them a lot. I remember a time when I was a little girl and all I wanted to do was get away from them. With my 21 birthday only a few months away, all I want to do it be that little girl again.

As a little girl, I would play with my dollhouse for hours and hours, without caring about the time or what was going on around me. I would play with my parents. I enjoyed the time that I had with them. My Dad would take me to the park to feed the ducks; my mom would let me help her sew. I didn’t have a care in the world. As I would fall asleep at night, sometimes it was to the sound of my mom’s sewing machine. Life was simple and the love that I had for my parents was endless. Yes there were times where I didn’t think they were doing the right thing but I look back and know that they were doing their best.

I was blessed to be born under the convent two wonderful parents who love me. Until age six I was only child, my days when filled with imagination and play. Of course I am not the prefect child I did give my parents a lot to worry about. But they did their best with what they knew. But what I wanted to do, was talk about my family.

My Dad- When I think about my father, I get a sweet smile on my face. My father grew up in a home that I really can’t understand. My dad was not raised in the church. I can only imagine the life that he lived. At 18, he joined the church and the military. He later served a mission and then married my mother in the St. George Temple. As a daughter we look to our fathers as heroes, and in my eyes my father is my hero. He is hard working and sweet. He loves people and serving people. He is willing to go above and beyond for the church and those around him. People love him and want to be around him. He is not the greatest showing his love but he is working on it. When I was a little girl and I had a nightmare or just wanted him close, I would ask him to sleep on my floor. He would do it till his back hurt.

When it comes to his priesthood, he is knowledgeable and respectful. My favorite thing to get from him is blessings. When you listen to the prophet speak his voice changes and you know that he is a man of God. Well the same thing happens with my father. It is the sweetest thing to hear and a simple testimony of the power of Christ. When I was fighting myself on whither to serve a mission or not, that same voice came out of that powerful man and I knew without a doubt that a mission was for me. I am blessed to have many examples of great men in my life but that one man that I love the most is my daddy.

My mom- I don’t that right word to express who my mom is. She has so many things about her that I love and wish that I had. That older that she has gone that more understanding and loving. She is my best friend and I know that I can trust her and she will give me a straight answer. I have some very different opinions about marriage and missions and the roles of women. She is the one person who accepts my opinions and teaches me more and more every day. She doesn’t judge me, she listens and loves me. She is intelligent and knowledgeable, if you want to know more about the gospel or anything just ask her. AS a small child going through school, I struggled in school; my reading and spelling were embarrassing to me and something that my mom can’t figure out. She tried everything that she knew to help me but nothing helped. We still don’t know what the problem is with me but that one person who supported me was my mother. She would help me with my essays and my schoolwork. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, I would fight her tooth and nail but she stuck with me. But the ting that I admire the most about my mom is her strength. Being an army wife is not the easiest thing in the world. My father was gone for days at a time; she was left to raise my sister and I. Other things in her life were hard to deal with but she stayed strong. She doesn’t let people into her world much but when she does feel blessed that she let you in.

My sister- Alden and I have gotten closer over the years. I am really close to her now. She is willing to learn something new. She is very talented in music, sports and school. Her dream is to go to Stanford, become some type of doctor or physicist. She has great plans and dreams that she is willing to work hard for. She is willing to share and love. When she makes friends she loves to keep them, it hurts her when friends lie or betray her. When it comes to the church she as a simple but loving testimony. Like me she is willing to serve and do all that she can. She is independent and smart, willing to serve and help. She is guided by the Lord in all that she does.

We have all heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child, I would like to make a list and thank all the people who helped my parents raise me to be the person that I am today:

Grandma- Great- I was her little angel and I loved her with all my heart and soul.

Virgil and Sally Jackson- my wonderful loving grandparents who did everything that they could to make sure that I was happy.

Mac and Joan McCormick- many memories of going to their house and running around their big house. As I got older my relationship changed with them, and I am so grateful for the time that I have with them.

Theresa Jackson Bivins- my aunt who is like a second mom. The sweetest most amazing person I know.

Greg and Jean Niles- there are not enough words to describe the love that I feel for these two people. I miss them every day since we moved. If my parents were to live this earth, they were be the ones who would take care of my sister and I. Could go on for hours about these two till I was blue in the face. They love me like a daughter.

There are many others who helped my parents, my mind can’t remember all the people that helped them and guided them. I am sorry if I can’t remember them all and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My parent’s 25^th wedding anniversary is in April and I am so grateful for the loving amazing example that they are to me. I have the time to reflect on my family life and the more I am way from my family, the more I love them and wish that they were here.

But grateful for the little moments you have with your family. And take very opinion to serve and love them. Because one day they will thank you for all that they have and they will be grateful.

Thank you to my family for loving me and raising me the right way.

To be continued.....

My room

2010-03-08T11:23:00.001-08:00

Thought people would like to see where i live and how i live. These are pictures of my room and later i will get of my apartment.

Can you survive?

2010-02-06T23:11:00.001-08:00

Today for the first time I watch a movie called Material Girls with the Duff Sisters. And it made me wonder, do I have the basic skills and the knowledge to survive? Do you have the basic skills to survive?

The answer to this question is unique to every individual. But for me, I was really blessed to have parents who taught me these basic skills. I can cook, clean and sew. I can’t mange money to save me life but I am learning. Some of my favorite thing to do is clean. Yes I know that I am crazy. But the feeling that I get when the house is clean and beautiful, the wonderful spirit that it brings. It makes me so happy to clean but it drives me crazy when people don’t seem to understand that it takes to two seconds to put your dish in the dishwasher. Don’t laugh its true. How lucky are we that we have these modern machines to do the simple’s thing. Back to the material girls, are you the type of person who is more into themselves or are you the person who understands what is more important, family and the gospel. (or some type of truth and right)

What is important to me? Hmmmmm….family, friends, having a clean house, (just kidding). Family and friends are really important to me but the thing that is really important to me. Is the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Lol I feel like Brother Whitney who is like a father figure to me, who brings everything back to the gospel. But this movie got me thinking. It’s so exciting. I am blessed to be apart of this gospel. I am going to a great school where we say prayer at the beginning of class. I am not judged for what I believe and who I am here. So because I grew in this church I was able to learn these basic skills so that I can survive in the world. So the question that I ask you is can survive on your own?

2010-02-06T17:04:00.000-08:00

You are walking in a small creek where the water is warm and the pebbles feel nice under your feet. The sun is coming through the trees. Its warm, and you are walking because that is what you know how to do. You meet an amazing boy who wants to show you the world. He takes your hand, but you don’t want to go. He walks with you for a while to get you comfortable with him. You talk about everything from the weather to what you believe in. You become too comfortable the sunny is shining and the birds are singing. You are grateful that someone is walking with you. You both come to a fork in the creek, you can go right and stay on the creek or go left and see something new. What do you pick?

I went left because he led me that way. The water was deeper and deeper and the rock shaper. I wanted to go back but he wouldn’t let me. In time the water on took me and I couldn’t move. I looked at my arm and there was a snake on my arm. I screamed and tried to fight. I suddenly saw the ocean I was excited because I love the ocean. But there was a problem I could move. The snake was putting his poison in me. The ocean overtook me and I started to go under. “Why me” I wondered, over and over again. Finally the snake let go and laughed all the way up to the surface. I could see that he was swimming but the creek to get someone else to poison.

As I sunk to the bottom, crying with no way to get out. I couldn’t feel the warmth of the sunshine. I was scared and all alone. I finally got to the bottom, it was dark and I could hear things and see things that were scaring me. You know those creations from Finding Nemo, in the deep part of the ocean. Those creations were destroying my thoughts and everything that I love and hold dear. I sat there for a long time, crying scared and not knowing what to do.

It seems like months that I was on the bottom waiting for something, anything to happen. Suddenly a light out of nowhere, it came closer and closer. Till I finally figure out what it was. A beautiful mermaid, the one from the Barbie movies. I tried to smile and be happy but it wouldn’t come. She smiles and started to talk to me, asking what was wrong trying everything but nothing worked. She took my hand; it was hard for me to trust her. Again she smiled and told me it would be ok, she helped me move, holding me tight. I didn’t get to far, what was wrong with me. The mermaid was patience with me. For the first time, she looked at my arm. A sad look came upon her face, she cried with me and held me close. Ask her many question over and over, crying and wondering. She stroked my hair, trying to help me. We were moving and slowly. I could see a little light and I smiled. The mermaid was encouraging me like a small child who learned how to walk. When I finally felt the warmth of the sun on my face, I stopped and would not go any farer. She smiled and started to swim away. I cried for her and she kept going.

Hours went by, the mermaid came back. She had something in her hand. What was that, I wondered. She told me it was the piggle wiggle plant and that I needed to eat it, so I did. Something started to change inside me. It was sunshine in my soul and heart. The mermaid smiled and took my hand again. We started to swim upward till the warmth of the sun and air could be felt on my face. I heard something weird, it was me; laughing. Suddenly other mermaids came, cheering me on has a work my way up.

I broke the surface breathing for the first time in months. The mermaids bought me a raft and I climbed in. They sang to me, the mermaid continued to stroke my hair till I felt safe. She said that she would never leave me. She looked over her shoulder and there was something or someone coming. In a big wave, the mermaid smiled. That is the king of creation coming to see you, she said. The King face was warm and fatherly, he took me in his arms. My little girl how I have missed you, he smiled down at me. “where were you?” I asked over and over again. “I was right next to you but you couldn’t see me.” I cried, “ Missed you so much.” He held me tight, “I have never left you but you left me.”

Right now I am working my way to a yacht, but I am getting there. With the help of the mermaids and piggle wiggle plant, the King is always there for me and always with me. I will get my yacht someday…thanks to those mermaids and the King.

2010-02-06T15:25:00.001-08:00

Holidays 2009

2010-02-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving this year we went to Disneyland. It was so much fun. My Aunt Shelly was the one who planned it. It was a great way to spend family time together. There was one time that my aunt wanted pictures in front of the Christmas tree. Holy cow, 30 minutes later and half a million pictures later we had the pictures.

My parents and I spent the Christmas holidays in Las Vegas. It was a blast, the first week we spent cleaning my grandma house. My mom hurt herself, but she thought that it was the coolest thing ever.

After the week in Vegas my parents left and I stayed with my Aunt and spent the rest of the time back and forth from their cabin in Ceder City and Vegas. After I was in Vegas for like three weeks, I went to Salt Lake to spend the New Years with my big sister, Kari.

2009-11-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

"Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should:
I'm sometimes sullen, often shy, acutely sensitive,
My fear erupts as anger, i find it hard to give,
I talk about myself when I'm afraid

And often spend my day without anything to say.
But i will make you laugh
and love you quite a bit
and hold you when you are sad
i cry a little almost every day
Because i'm more caring then the strangers ever know,
and if at times, i show my tender side
(the soft and warmer part i hide)
I wonder, will you be my friend?
A friend
Who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie
Will touch the secret place where i am really i,
To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep,
Who willnot run away when you find me in the street
Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats
but will stop and stay--to tell me of another day
When i was beautiful.

Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you should:
Often i'm too serious, seldom predictably the same,
sometimes cold and distant, probably i'll always change.
I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child,
I brood abd pout, my anger can be wild,
but i will make you laugh
and love you quite a bit
And be near when you're afraid.
I shake a little almost everyday
Because i'm more frightened then strangers ever know
And if at times I show my trembling side
(the anxious, fearful part i hide)
i wonder
Will you be my friend?
A friend
Who when i fear your closeness, feels me push away
And stubbornly will stay to share what's left on such a day,
Who, when no one knows my name or calls me on the phone,
when there's no concern for me--what i have or haven't done--
and those I've helped and counted on have oh so deftly, run,
who when there's nothing left but me, stripped of charm and subtlery,
will nonetheless remain.

Will you be my friend?
For no reason that i know
Expect i want you so."

2009-11-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

I heard that everyone was doing it so i thought that i would to it do. Something to know about me is that i love my church... i am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints. I have a small family just my parents and my little sister Alden. I love the life that i live and know i am going to share it with you...